Dating With Direction: One Way to Add Focus to Your Dating Life

Photo by  Nathan Walker  on  Unsplash

Photo by Nathan Walker on Unsplash

Are you at a point in your dating life where you’re trying to seriously date and all you’re finding are guys who want to “Netflix and chill”?

Are you dating guys that just want to “hang out” and are taking forever to decide if they want to be “exclusive”?

In this age of Tinder and online dating, where anyone can effortlessly access a catalogue of potential dating prospects, there is a ton of distraction, and people treat dates like they’re disposable, because technically, they are.

Don’t like the person you just met with for sushi? Get on Tinder and swipe away. You could be talking to new people within minutes.

And all of this is great in that it allows us to meet people outside of our current social circles that we otherwise wouldn’t come across, but it also makes our dating lives a lot more cluttered.

And eventually, it gets old. You get tired of meeting new people, of going out all the time, of getting your hopes up because you like a guy and then crushed after he randomly loses interest or disappears on you. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting.

So what is a girl to do?

What if you had a way to cut through the clutter and limit the amount of time you wasted on relationships and dating that is going nowhere?

What if you had a compass that could keep you going in the right direction? A northern star that you’re always walking towards.

In this post, I’m going to share a revelation that I discovered during my dating life and started using as a sort of compass to keep me going in the right direction, so to speak. Once I started doing that, it wasn’t long before I found the guy that I’ve now been dating for 2.5 years and counting my blessings every day that we found each other.

So, what was my big revelation?

It happened when I was 25ish. After dating in D.C. for 5 years, I had seen it all, and I was done. I was tired of men and I was sick of the game.

And I thought to myself, I’m so over wasting time on guys that don’t want a relationship. And then it dawned on me. I wanted a relationship.

That was my revelation.

Anti-climactic? Maybe.

But let’s explore more.

See, when I was dating before my revelation, I had no purpose. Sure, I knew I wanted to get married someday, have kids maybe, etc. But that seemed very far away. In my mind, I thought, I’m in my twenties, I just need to have fun and not try too hard to find someone and maybe, one of these guys will turn out to be “the one.” Right?


Because in not acknowledging to myself that I wanted to find someone that also wanted a serious relationship, I had no direction, and so I ended up wasting time on a lot of guys. Starting with one guy I dated on and off for two years. He never once called me his girlfriend, even after I confronted him about it. I was young and naïve. I never repeated that mistake again.

But, looking back, if I had been using my revelation as a compass at that point (I wasn’t, because I hadn’t had the revelation yet!) I would have broken up with him because he wasn’t giving me what I truly wanted, which was a committed, loving relationship.

Once I was able to admit to myself that I wanted a serious relationship, I started really pursuing it, in a way that I hadn’t before. I stopped wasting time on guys that were flaky. I only focused on guys that were displaying an obvious and committed interest in me. I stopped dating guys that were playing mind games, and if I felt like they were giving me the run around, I called them out.

And if their behavior didn’t change, or I felt like they weren’t reciprocating in a way that showed they were seriously interested in me, I ended things.

What this did was prevent me from spending my time on guys that were essentially, going to waste my time because they weren’t interested in pursuing a serious relationship with me.

And so I was available. Which was crucial. Because when it came time to meet “the one” I was there and not at happy hour with some other guy that I had no future with.

So, my advice to women who are still out in the dating world, getting battered around, is figure out what you really want. If that’s a relationship, then don’t settle for guys that aren’t going to give you that. Don’t let them waste your time and don’t feel bad about moving on. In doing this, when that special person does cross your path, you will be available and ready to take them on.